To be square, this bottle elicited nothing but the worst within...rhubarb and vinegar chiseled into the likeness of an unimportant mid 19th century sugar plantation owner who systematically bought, raped, and sold his staff.
Scents of mildew and wet-bean reveal nothing more than a state of bulging stagnation. My tongue justifiably reacts thusly - to misquote the master, Michelangelo,
"Carving is easy, you just go down to the skin and stop." We all supercede our functional reality...it's all soo simple...
The French have introduced another form of Terrorism!
Anyways...the truth is that I sit here alone in my Louisiana mansion and the humid air swirls about my nude toes, ahhh....I wish I could remember the name of the bottle!
No medal. No Glory.... Nothing...at all...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Forest Glen - Cabernet Sauvignon 2006
"How to Shit in the Woods"
You finally mustered up the courage to ask Molly Widerschmidt out on a date. You've stopped by her shop every morning for the last couple months to buy her freshly brewed coffee. Molly is an attractive woman with a warm personality and beautiful blond hair. You admire her eclectic fashion sense and her sustainably harvested shoes. She seems very interested in going out with you and you suggest a walk along the beach. What a lovely morning to walk along the beach...
Coffees in hand, you and Molly make your way down the beach. "Hmm... Good coffee" you say. "Thank you so much! You're such a great conversationalist!" replies Molly. All of a sudden you have to fart. If you time it right you can fart when the next wave crashes and Molly would never know. Your fart is hard and you freeze. "Uh, stay right here...I'll be right back!" You duck away to take a quick shit...it burns (good coffee) and you spend the rest of the romantic walk tugging at your underwear and scratching your icthy ass.
This wine is fruity and makes my ass itch.
No Metal
Zoltar, 2009
You finally mustered up the courage to ask Molly Widerschmidt out on a date. You've stopped by her shop every morning for the last couple months to buy her freshly brewed coffee. Molly is an attractive woman with a warm personality and beautiful blond hair. You admire her eclectic fashion sense and her sustainably harvested shoes. She seems very interested in going out with you and you suggest a walk along the beach. What a lovely morning to walk along the beach...
Coffees in hand, you and Molly make your way down the beach. "Hmm... Good coffee" you say. "Thank you so much! You're such a great conversationalist!" replies Molly. All of a sudden you have to fart. If you time it right you can fart when the next wave crashes and Molly would never know. Your fart is hard and you freeze. "Uh, stay right here...I'll be right back!" You duck away to take a quick shit...it burns (good coffee) and you spend the rest of the romantic walk tugging at your underwear and scratching your icthy ass.
This wine is fruity and makes my ass itch.
No Metal
Zoltar, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Frey Red Table Wine, Organic
Smokey Baloney. Think, hunting for duck with your uncle...
As Cormac McCarthy said in his book, The Road:
Huddled against the back wall were naked people, male and female, all trying to hide, shielding their faces with their hands. On the mattress lay a man with his legs gone to the hip and the stumps of them blackened and burnt. The smell was hideous.
This wine recalls the deepest pains of life and the struggle for justice and solidarity. Screams of loneliness and desolation. As though you were the last person alive and the only one left with an ounce of humanity. Fruity overtones, plum, hazel nut, and traces of rubber.
Not awarded any metal
-- Zoltar, 2009
As Cormac McCarthy said in his book, The Road:
Huddled against the back wall were naked people, male and female, all trying to hide, shielding their faces with their hands. On the mattress lay a man with his legs gone to the hip and the stumps of them blackened and burnt. The smell was hideous.
This wine recalls the deepest pains of life and the struggle for justice and solidarity. Screams of loneliness and desolation. As though you were the last person alive and the only one left with an ounce of humanity. Fruity overtones, plum, hazel nut, and traces of rubber.
Not awarded any metal
-- Zoltar, 2009
V. Sattui Pinot Noir 2006
This wine - how do say it - rolls down your back like a bead of sweat. Like an afternoon of yard work, this wine delivers on it's promise to pay you back for your hard work. And like your leather work gloves, this flavor keeps its shape after you take it off. Think bitter arguments mixed with long boughts of laughter followed buy a night in jail. Chewy cranberries and spinach stem. Take this bitch for a walk. Gold Metal winner.
-- Zoltar, 2009
-- Zoltar, 2009
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